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(More customer reviews)This Halloween costume seemed innocent enough when we bought it for our son last year. My wife and I became concerned when little Johnny insisted upon wearing it day in and day out. Our fears were temporarily subdued when Johnny's school grades began dramatically rising. He had developed a keen interest in history and archeology almost overnight. His teachers showered him with praise and even suggested that we prematurely move him from third grade up to tenth grade because of his prodigious academic performance.
Just when we began believing that this costume was a heaven-sent, the problems came. Little Johnny was getting into outlandish fistfights with school bullies and suddenly developed Ophidiophobia (fear of snakes). We found him jumping deep gorges on his bicycle and outrunning giant boulders down the hills behind our house. While rollerblading, he snagged the fender of a pickup truck with his bullwhip and went on a high speed romp through downtown Atlanta. He even began insisting that we refer to him as "Dr. Alabama Smith." But even this bizarre behavior was acceptable compared to what Johnny is doing now.
Since his disappearance the authorities have informed us that he is overseas fighting Nazi's and renegade Soviets, all the while narrowly escaping certain doom. The Smithsonian Institution has informed us that he has traversed perilous obstacles to retrieve the Holy Grail, Ark of the Covenant, and Spear of Destiny, each of which he has donated to prestigious museums. While my wife and I realize these are amazing accomplishments, we can't help but fear for the safety of our child. Johnny, if you are reading this...please come home. Mommy and daddy miss you and promise they won't give you a brutal spanking.
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